LISTENING...How to do it and why it´s important

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” 

― Ernest Hemingway

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.” 

― Zeno of Citium, as quoted by Diogenes Laërtius

“There's a lot of difference between listening and hearing.” 

― G.K. Chesterton

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.” 

― Bernard M. Baruch

I´ll never forget being required to take a class in active listening when I was in college.  It was a course where I learned that listening is really important to our communication.  What is the difference between  listening to someone and hearing someone?  Listening, or we could say active listening, gives us the ability to understand the other person and take in what is said.  We´re able to see things from their point of view and truly understand what the other person´s experience is.  In other words, we´re able to empathize with them.

In negotiations, I learned it´s always important to listen first before talking.  Why is this important?  It´s important because if we listen first, in a negotiation, and talk later, we are able to determine where we´re starting from.  This enables us to relate to the other person so that we can understand what their needs are before we talk about our needs.  This gives us a greater ability to succeed in reaching our goals related to a negotiation. 

How many of you know someone who doesn't listen very well?  Someone who easily gets distracted and who we feel like we have to repeat ourselves to over and over again?  How frustrating is this when we're trying to communicate something to them?  We all want to be really listened to.  It's so important to really learn how to listen to our loved ones, our friends, and our colleagues.  Learning this valuable skill will increase our skills in communication and we´ll likely have better results in our lives!

How do we learn how to actively listen to someone?

To start:

It´s important to make eye contact with the other person.  

STOP TALKING!  You cannot listen when you are talking and thinking about what you´re going to say next.  So try to slow your mind down and close your mouth in order to receive what the other person is really saying.  Maybe what you´re about to say really isn´t necessary.  Filter what you say against the message you're receiving from the other person.

PAY ATTENTION USING NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION:  Relax, smile, have an open body posture.

LISTEN FOR WHAT ISN'T SAID- Many times what lies below the surface is the key to listening well and truly understanding the message.

DON'T LET YOUR OWN EMOTIONS INTERFERE WITH LISTENING

SUMMARIZE-  Summarize back what is said in a neutral, non-judgmental way when necessary.

EMPATHIZE- Try to understand what the other person is saying from their point of view.

If we all listened more and talked less, we would likely learn a great deal about our world and lend support to those in need!  We would also experience more success in our lives!    

So, try to take time and really be conscious about LISTENING to someone today!!  You won´t regret it!

Don´t forget about these previous posts to assist you with your learning-

STAY MOTIVATED!! 

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The difference between UNTIL and BY

Can you hear me?

Good afternoon everyone!!

What do we say when we're on the phone and we want to check that the other person can hear us?  Do we say.....

A.) Can you hear me?

or

B.) Are you listening?

As many of you know, my primary contact with students these days is via Skype classes.  Being that most of my classes are being offered online now, the issue of being heard on the computer has been important to talk about.

The correct answer is B.  It's always best to say, Can you hear me?   (When testing out audio devices like phones and Skype.)

Let's go further into this....

What IS the difference between Listen and Hear?

We listen to things that are more specific...for example, I could say, I'm listening to music, or I'm listening to the radio.

On the other hand, hear relates to how loud something is.  If 
we're testing a phone or a Skype call and we want to know if the other party can hear us we ask if the other party can hear us.

Picture this, You're at a party and the music is turned up really loud.  You're trying to talk to someone but that person can´t hear you so you say, 

“I can´t hear you, the music is too loud! Let´s go outside to finish this conversation.”

So, remember that LISTEN relates to specific items like music or a radio program whereas HEAR relates to noise and checking in if audio equipment is working properly.


Now that you understand the distinction, does this phrase make sense?

How do you interpret this sentence?

Stay tuned...my next post will be all about interpreting this difference!

Don't forget to check out this post to learn all about will and would...and this post to review phrasal verbs!!

Thanksgiving Day

As many of you know, today is a very special holiday in the US; Thanksgiving Day.  

How is Thanksgiving day celebrated in the US and what are the primary dishes?

Thanksgiving for me, was always a time to gather around a table with loved ones and family and give thanks for the things in my life that I was thankful for.  It was a very special holiday indeed and an opportunity to take a break from the day to day grind of life and enjoy some quality time with family and friends.  I often remember the significance of this day being right along the same level as Christmas and the food served was much the same.  The only real difference being that on Thanksgiving, no presents were exchanged as they are on Christmas. 

The weather during this time of year is starting to get chilly so a variety so food appealing to the colder weather is prepared.  The menu consists of turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, bread stuffing, and pumpkin pie.  The tradition in my family was always to have this meal together and basically spend the whole weekend amongst family and friends.  

So, in honor of this special day, think about what are you thankful for and make sure to remember these things today!  

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Student Presentation-Emerson

This paper was written by Emerson, a student of mine.  It examines how to be a good boss:

WRITING EXERCISE

---

How to be a good boss

The occupation of a boss is to make people finish their tasks properly and timely to attend the company’s goal. For that purpose, a boss has to hire a qualified workforce for the job, define clear expectations so that employees understand what they’re are doing, teach them when necessary, and evaluate and give feedback in order to change or promote a behavior.

Before hiring a new employee, the company has to set up all the qualifications required for the position and look for professionals which fulfill those requirements. However, sometimes it’s not possible to find such a complete professional, so the company has to offer training to prepare the professional for the daily activities.

It’s important to be clear about the company’s strategy and personal goals to let the workforce understand what is expected from them. Clear guidelines will help them to perform their tasks and will allow an accurate feedback.

Eventually, the staff will have difficulties in delivering some tasks. In such cases, it’s necessary to consider if the staff is supposed to deal with this situation by judging if they were hired with the proper knowledge or if they’ve received and understood training. Sometimes new requirements appear and need to be done. In both cases, a good boss wouldn’t lose the temper and would explain what has to be done and would provide an honest evaluation.

Then comes the feedback and the opportunity to change or promote a behavior. This can be tricky because the feedback of one employee can affect all the workforce. So it’s important to have arguments to support feedback and it has to be in line with the company’s strategy and the personal goals which were previously set.

There isn’t a formula for being a good boss. What defines a good boss is the workforce’s satisfaction in their work. Employees want to feel well guided, recognized, and want to see the perspective for their careers. A good boss would be someone an employee can work with instead of working for.

What goes around comes around

"What goes around comes around."

What does it mean?

Basically, it means that what you do in life, whether positive or negative, comes back to you.  It may or may not come back to you in the same form as you expressed it, however, it will most certainly come back to you.  

So, watch your actions and pay attention to your words because what you say and do, will come back to you.  

Good advice right?


When thinking about this concept, I'm reminded of  the First Law of Thermodynamics which states:  

"The total energy of an isolated system is constant; energy can be transformed from one form to another, but cannot be created or destroyed." 
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_law_of_thermodynamics)

Basically, we are what we say and we say what we are.  What we say affects us just as our actions affect us.  Make Sense?

Many artists have created music based on this concept.

Justin Timberlake wrote a song about this:

Even Bob Marley wrote about this:

 

So, be careful what you say and be careful about your actions because what goes around comes around.


     

Top of the Mornin' to You

"Top of the Mornin' to You" (GOOD MORNING!!)

Have you heard this expression before?  It's a common Irish-American greeting.

What better way to start the day then with a fun song!?

Enjoy and have a wonderful weekend!!

Some things I've learned this week...

My students are teaching me new things all the time and this week is no different.  Here are some of the important things I've learned this week:

If you want to speak  better, listen more!
If you want to write better, read more!

Google 'hangout' is a great way to have a conference call.  I'm looking at this method to provide 'online' classes for some groups.  Does anyone have experience with Google hangout?  Do you find it works better than Skype?  I'm curious about this technology.

Successful companies often don't compare themselves to their competition.  In fact, many times, their competition is irrelevant.  What then, do successful companies focus on?  They focus on uncontested market space, they focus on areas in the market where there is no competition, and they make strategic moves in order to get out of the race against competition and into an area in the market where they are able to measure their success not by comparing themselves to their competitors, but by adding value for their customers! 
.....More to come on this subject soon!  I find it fascinating..how about you?

It hasn't been this cold in Curitiba for years!!

What have you learned this week?