LISTENING...How to do it and why it´s important

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” 

― Ernest Hemingway

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.” 

― Zeno of Citium, as quoted by Diogenes Laërtius

“There's a lot of difference between listening and hearing.” 

― G.K. Chesterton

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.” 

― Bernard M. Baruch

I´ll never forget being required to take a class in active listening when I was in college.  It was a course where I learned that listening is really important to our communication.  What is the difference between  listening to someone and hearing someone?  Listening, or we could say active listening, gives us the ability to understand the other person and take in what is said.  We´re able to see things from their point of view and truly understand what the other person´s experience is.  In other words, we´re able to empathize with them.

In negotiations, I learned it´s always important to listen first before talking.  Why is this important?  It´s important because if we listen first, in a negotiation, and talk later, we are able to determine where we´re starting from.  This enables us to relate to the other person so that we can understand what their needs are before we talk about our needs.  This gives us a greater ability to succeed in reaching our goals related to a negotiation. 

How many of you know someone who doesn't listen very well?  Someone who easily gets distracted and who we feel like we have to repeat ourselves to over and over again?  How frustrating is this when we're trying to communicate something to them?  We all want to be really listened to.  It's so important to really learn how to listen to our loved ones, our friends, and our colleagues.  Learning this valuable skill will increase our skills in communication and we´ll likely have better results in our lives!

How do we learn how to actively listen to someone?

To start:

It´s important to make eye contact with the other person.  

STOP TALKING!  You cannot listen when you are talking and thinking about what you´re going to say next.  So try to slow your mind down and close your mouth in order to receive what the other person is really saying.  Maybe what you´re about to say really isn´t necessary.  Filter what you say against the message you're receiving from the other person.

PAY ATTENTION USING NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION:  Relax, smile, have an open body posture.

LISTEN FOR WHAT ISN'T SAID- Many times what lies below the surface is the key to listening well and truly understanding the message.

DON'T LET YOUR OWN EMOTIONS INTERFERE WITH LISTENING

SUMMARIZE-  Summarize back what is said in a neutral, non-judgmental way when necessary.

EMPATHIZE- Try to understand what the other person is saying from their point of view.

If we all listened more and talked less, we would likely learn a great deal about our world and lend support to those in need!  We would also experience more success in our lives!    

So, try to take time and really be conscious about LISTENING to someone today!!  You won´t regret it!

Don´t forget about these previous posts to assist you with your learning-

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The difference between UNTIL and BY

Can you hear me?

Good afternoon everyone!!

What do we say when we're on the phone and we want to check that the other person can hear us?  Do we say.....

A.) Can you hear me?

or

B.) Are you listening?

As many of you know, my primary contact with students these days is via Skype classes.  Being that most of my classes are being offered online now, the issue of being heard on the computer has been important to talk about.

The correct answer is B.  It's always best to say, Can you hear me?   (When testing out audio devices like phones and Skype.)

Let's go further into this....

What IS the difference between Listen and Hear?

We listen to things that are more specific...for example, I could say, I'm listening to music, or I'm listening to the radio.

On the other hand, hear relates to how loud something is.  If 
we're testing a phone or a Skype call and we want to know if the other party can hear us we ask if the other party can hear us.

Picture this, You're at a party and the music is turned up really loud.  You're trying to talk to someone but that person can´t hear you so you say, 

“I can´t hear you, the music is too loud! Let´s go outside to finish this conversation.”

So, remember that LISTEN relates to specific items like music or a radio program whereas HEAR relates to noise and checking in if audio equipment is working properly.


Now that you understand the distinction, does this phrase make sense?

How do you interpret this sentence?

Stay tuned...my next post will be all about interpreting this difference!

Don't forget to check out this post to learn all about will and would...and this post to review phrasal verbs!!